Pumpkin Reports

Mon/Wed/Fri 5:30pm e/p

Episode 1

Eyes Closed Friday

Humans would be so much easier to invade from above if they didn’t look at the sky – so Teresa creates a brand new superstition that has everyone closing their eyes for one hour on Friday.

Episode 2

Fear Itself

The discovery of phobias inspires Teresa to build a device that probes humans’ minds for what they’re most scared of, then creates it right in front of them. Before Team Alien can disable the device, each member must confront his or her own greatest fear.

Episode 3

Crazy in Love

When Teresa learns about love, she decides that an extreme version of this silly emotion might be used to render humans so love-struck they’re useless.

Episode 4


Teresa uses Kemii Indecision Sludge to render her parents, and Max and his friends, totally incapable of making a decision, then goes about enacting her plan to shut down the town’s decision-making ability, right in front of the paralyzed Team Alien.

Episode 5

Lights, Camera, INVASION!

When the Kemii realize that humans don’t fear actors playing aliens, they prepare to shoot a fake movie in Cucurtown starring the leader of the actual invasion team.

Max Green is a happy, popular kid, living with his loving parents in quiet suburban Cucurtown, until he discovers his new adoptive brother and sister are vegetable-based aliens from the pumpkin planet Kemii-Lar, sent to Earth as the advance party for an invasion. Teresa and Goliath communicate everything they learn about human behavior to the mothership, as their masters prepare to come down and turn humans into their unwilling slave-gardeners.

When Max begins babbling about aliens, all his popularity and credibility vanishes. Overnight, he goes from sports star and admired student to “one of those weird kids.”

Mom and Dad dote on the new additions to their family, and the townspeople are too complacent to investigate. So it’s up to Max and three new friends – nerdy Pixel, sarcastic classmate Violet, and slob inventor Simon – to improvise the (frequently backfiring) countermeasures to foil each planet-dominating alien scheme.

Max Green

Max is an energetic, outgoing 11‐year‐old who until recently had everything. He was popular at school, good at sports and showed talent in music and academics. He lived on a wide treed street in idyllic Cucurtown, where the streetlights clicked on at dusk to reveal happy homes nestling happy families all sitting around glowing hearths. Life was good.

Life was good because until a month ago Max was an only child. (Some of his friends have siblings; he sympathizes. Must be rough having to share your food, your videos, and your doting parents’ loving attention.)

Then Teresa and Goliath showed up and everything fell apart. Max’s new siblings are apparently perfect and they’re remarkably self‐sufficient.

Max didn’t prepare for this. He has no skills for being suspicious – only for accepting parental praise and building shelves for his many 1st Place awards. For a while he was disoriented and, for the first time in his life, actually jealous.

Then he made the discovery that his adoptive brother and sister are aliens intent on conquering the human race. It’s only when he tells his parents the news that he realizes Mom and Dad’s lifelong sweetness and niceness have a terrifying down‐side: they don’t believe him.

Him! Max Green! Who never told a lie in his life! Who never had to! For the first time ever, Max – to whom everything has always come easy – has to work, and work hard, to persuade his parents and the rest of the world that he’s telling the truth.

He has teachers who’ve said he’s their favorite student; other adults who’ve told him if there’s ever anything Max needs, to come straight to them. But when he asks if they can help him defeat the imminent blood‐curdling monster invasion, they shake their heads and tell him talk like that will hurt his chances of getting into a good college.

Luckily, ever since Max was small his report cards have said, “displays great pluck,” and “tackles problems with admirable spirit.” He has many ribbons and trophies in his room featuring the words Pluck, Spirit Determination or Guts. Even when he was 4, if he entered a sack race, it might take him until the sun went down but he’d always finish. He’s the most competitive kid in town. He never gives up.

So if they thought he’d just roll over, these aliens picked the wrong house to mess with.

There are three other urban paranoiacs in quiet happy Cucurtown who believe Max. Unluckily, the kind of people in small towns who believe alien invasion stories have quirky beliefs of their own, and associating with them is seldom good for your popularity.

Never mind. Max is a do‐er; a positive thinker and a pint‐sized force to be reckoned with. No alien from this galaxy or any other is going to disrupt his fun life, change his positive outlook or walk into his cozy home and use it as Home Base for stealing his planet!

Violet Violet

Violet Violet (born Emily Violet) is a smart, strong‐willed, trend‐bucking 11‐ year old girl with a BIG fashion sense and a blog describing how she’d like to improve the world – its music, aesthetics, and especially its rigid, closed‐minded people... like the teachers who won’t let her wear a swan hat to class.

Pixel Sillicon

Chubby 11‐year‐old Pixel Sillicon loves aliens. His father is a dedicated UFOlogist, which accounts for Pixel’s interest, but not for the depth of his ardor. Pixel believes he was abducted by aliens and he sincerely hopes to be abducted again one day – so he leaves his bedroom window open at night and has an arrow of lights on the roof pointing to his room.

Simon Sillicon

Pixel’s father, Simon Sillicon, abandoned his foundational computer work (which resulted in a famous Valley in California being named after him) to devote his genius to discovering the aliens he has been convinced have been walking among us for 30 years.

Teresa Green (Agent Loom)

Teresa Green is, upon first inspection, a perfectly polite, neatly‐dressed, well‐behaved pre‐teen girl. She doesn’t interrupt her elders, she’s a straight‐A student – she’s every teacher’s dream.

That’s because she’s actually the alien creature called Loom Prxbtlyp, dedicated to taking over the earth and enslaving all its inhabitants.

She chose her disguise of cute 12‐year‐old Teresa based on characters on a movie billboard across the street from the Greens’ house. She got the name for her putative brother, Goliath, off a dog’s ID tag.

Immaculate, polite, unemotional, Teresa treats earth and all of its citizens like an ant farm beneath her magnifying glass. She has trouble grasping the subtleties of human nature. She is a logical being and humans act illogically. (Just ask her about dancing… or...)

Loom chose her “Teresa” disguise wisely. Even Max’s friend Pixel Sillicon, who knows something horrible undulates beneath her human disguise, finds Teresa hypnotically alluring.

Teresa/Loom’s job is to send back nightly reports describing us to the orbiting Kemii to speed up the impending invasion. But her analytical approach always misses some subtlety of human behavior.Like when she says humans own dogs to give us exercise in bending over to pick up poop.

Loom is often frustrated by her partner‐in‐domination Ram (earth name: Goliath). She wishes she hadn’t made him a 3‐year‐old human, which disguise gives him license to act (in her opinion) unprofessionally. She needs him to be assembling the backup transmission antenna and dating the earth logbooks… not pooping down rabbit holes and seeing how many times his tongue will wrap around a baseball bat.